So many people tell you “at least you’re not…./ or at least you’ve got….” Fuck em! If you feel rubbish, feel rubbish!
You’ve probably heard the hypothetical tale of that one poor person in the world that actually has it worse than everyone else.
I would counter that somewhat obnoxiously with a thought-journey about how we define what is ‘bad’, ‘traumatic’, ‘the worst’ — who gets to decide what is bad enough to feel down about?
That fun, potentially ever-lasting journey will eventually get you to the point of realising your sensational experience moment to moment is only for YOU. And only you get to decide the meaning of that, because only you have the history that informs your particular way of making sense of things.
So if you are having a hard time because you are working through the attachment trauma resulting from your parents involving you in every argument they ever had; but explaining your difficulty in speaking up for your own needs by saying they’re not important and it doesn’t matter because at least they didn’t hit you — then permission granted to feel the weight of the shit time you had as a child.
If you are having a hard time identifying what you like in life because you spent a lifetime learning how to predict what other people want and going with that because it makes them happy which makes your life easy, then permission granted to be upset and frustrated at not knowing yourself.
Or if you keep sabotaging potential romantic relationships because one of your parents told you you’re unlovable and somehow you just can’t quite get the belief out of your actions (even if you can tell yourself and friends show you you are loveable) then at least you have good friends and a nice job — permission granted to be frustrated and confused at picking that last fight with that last person you were dating.
The world is a complex place that’s busier than ever, more conflicted than ever, faster and more contradictory to extremes we’ve never known. There is hardly any time to get to know yourself and your surroundings and pay attention to the relationships and activities in the way you would like. So if you feel bad about something and your awareness has been drawn to that sensation, know it is there for a reason and deserves some attention.
You deserve some attention. You deserve some compassion. You deserve some space and time to feel exactly what you feel. Because once you feel that feeling, you’ll probably feel something else. My hope is that it will be a nicer feeling. But it might not be. Sometimes it goes that way.
The most important thing though — if you feel shit, that’s the appropriate response to your particular set of circumstances.
