I think I’m still equating sex with love

Claire
8 min readOct 22, 2020

but I thought I’d worked through this.

I began my psychotherapist training eight years ago. This coincided (or created) the biggest internal shift(s) so far in my life.

The biggest lesson

You can’t save anyone. Having already trained to be a volunteer counsellor for ChildLine I’d learned that counselling was not about advice giving or fixing people. Within the first four months of my level 2 counselling skills course I had begun to think that my relationship was not benefiting either of us, that it was codependent. However much love I have for a person and however much potential I see in them, and hurt that I want to soothe, I can’t do any of the work for them, so I ended the relationship. That was the last time I was in a relationship.

I intentionally took some time to be single and heal from the loss and focus on me. That intention ended after about 18 months and I started dating again. I have since had seasons of dating of around six months at a time, none of them resulting in anything beyond three or four dates. This has resulted in all sorts of shameful, woeful, ‘what is wrong with me’ cycles, but it has also been educational and revelatory.

Lesson one

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Claire

Adventurer, word-lover, nature-enthusiast, psychotherapist, creative.