My chest aches with grief for a loss that isn’t lost. Bereaved of a friendship as was, I am bobbing around in a sea of confusion, hurt, and slowly accepting I am going to have to be the one to say something.
I’m scared.
Conflict. Confrontation. All things I generally avoid.
The problem is that the pain in my head is evidence of my Self confronting me with the conflict we are experiencing. I can’t avoid it anymore. Something needs to be done.
Honestly I’ve thought many times what if I just didn’t say anything and I let it drift away. One possible course of action. I don’t think it would be possible. We are intertwined. Our lives together have been long, we connect on many points, entangled are we.
Entangled for many years, I don’t want to drift. I don’t want things to be like this. I know things can’t be the way they were, too much change has happened. I have hope that we can find a new way. But we have to find it.
And first I need to show you my hurt. I need you to know you did it and that I can’t have you do it again.
Fuck!
What if you don’t care. What if you don’t want to find the new way. What if you think I’m ridiculous. All of these possibilities bash the inside of my mind. There’s…
