Member-only story
I’ve been thinking it’s time to update this series. There had been a flurry of activity at the start of the year then through one drama or another I’ve got to November and there’s been nothing. And I’m okay with that.
Reading back through my last entry I enjoyed my determination to not do anything hasty nor under the influence of anything, and I haven’t.
The reason I wanted to write again is because I’ve stepped so far away from the kink world that I don’t even know if I can say I’ve returned to it.
I suppose what’s happening is a continuation of my reflective process of me in relationship with Other through the lens of autism.
I’m still plugged into my kink community, I see my kinky friends at least once a month for non-kink activities, but I’m starting to feel out of place because sex, intimacy, relationship dynamics etc. are not a part of my thoughts most days. It’s a real about-face.
I’m re-starting therapy tomorrow. I’m excitedly anticipating this new chapter. I’ve not got a lot from one-to-one therapy before, I mostly learn and process in group settings. This therapist though is in the public eye and I have a sense of them already which I think is helpful for my slow autistic process to feel I can possibly trust them. And I know I can bring my kinky self, or lack thereof, and she will be welcomed.
Life is a strange experience. What I was so sure of a year ago has gone. I’m not sure if it’s covered, changed or complete, but I do know that I’m not distressed at the loss of my interest in growing the kinky side of my life.
I do know I still have the interest and if I were to meet someone tomorrow who shared the same interests I’d be excited to play with them, I’m just not feeling driven to seek them out.
Perhaps I’ll begin a series? The therapist in therapy… Hmm, I might be onto something there!
