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Session 7 — the one where I cry
Had a bit of a nightmare leaving the house with too many things in my arms, I was just about on time, I locked the door turned around and the smoothie I was balancing in my arms slipped, spilling all down me.
I sort of froze deciding what to do — drop everything? keep holding it and try to manoeuvre clean things away from smoothie’d things? Carry it all to the car to put the clean things in?
I was frozen for about ten seconds deciding what to do (go to the car and put down the clean things)
I also knew I would now be late — a bit late or a lot late, it’s all late — which allowed me to slow right down rather than rush whatever my next steps were.
Another decision to make was whether to message my therapist and let them know I’ll be late or not. I decided not to.
I told the story of the falling smoothie to my therapist and they said “I bet you were fuming!” and I was like “no, actually, well — it meant we’re slowing down” but actually it is interesting they said fuming, and I decidedly was not angry. Frustrated? Sure. But why would I get mad about something that I can’t change? It felt more like a message around being overloaded, carrying too many things at once, that I needed to stop a minute and adjust the way I was moving.
On reflection reading that now, I’m unsure whether I have just learned to regulate myself quite quickly or I’m bypassing some uncomfortable reactions/responses e.g. anger/fury.
I arrived five minutes late
Went in without my bag — feeling unencumbered by things. Though it’s notable I left my bag in the car because I take a variety of items with me pretty much wherever I go as a sort of protective/comfort/prepared thing so to leave that protection behind and go to therapy just as me, well, it’s a thing.
The crux of what we were talking about today was working hard. The first half of my life working to make things make sense and get on. This second half of my life I am working to let it be easy. WORKING to let it be easy.
We talked about intuition (aka third eye, because that is the next level we are exploring in the framework we have chosen to use as our…
