When aftercare is the most dangerous part of a BDSM scene

Claire
12 min readSep 15, 2023

Pushing boundaries, dancing the line between pleasure and pain, being on display and flooded with sensation is the easy part.

Photo by Анатолий Андреев: https://www.pexels.com/photo/grayscale-photo-of-a-woman-tied-with-a-rope-11089655/

I wanted to write an interesting, intellectual, almost academic article about relationship theory, sex and intimacy, weaving it with knowings about attachment trauma, understanding of the complexities of human connection and generally raise awareness about a multitude of issues that, overall, I believe are still kind of taboo and I don’t think they should be.

But this is too close to home, I don’t know that much stuff and I’m not that clever. So I’m just going to tell my story.

A bit of history

I went to a sex party, the kind of which I’d not been to before.

The kind I’ve been to before was a kink and fetish night in a nightclub, with a specific dress code — extravagant and outrageous required. They have a dungeon, multiple dance floors, performances, a couples room and very strict rules on consent.

My first time there I expected to have a lot of feelings; I was confident in my sexual-self, well-versed in the world of alternative sex practices and I have a wonderfully open mind. It actually felt a bit weird how weird it wasn’t to me to be in a place where bodies are on display and…

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Claire

Adventurer, word-lover, nature-enthusiast, psychotherapist, creative.