Pushing boundaries, dancing the line between pleasure and pain, being on display and flooded with sensation is the easy part.
I wanted to write an interesting, intellectual, almost academic article about relationship theory, sex and intimacy, weaving it with knowings about attachment trauma, understanding of the complexities of human connection and generally raise awareness about a multitude of issues that, overall, I believe are still kind of taboo and I don’t think they should be.
But this is too close to home, I don’t know that much stuff and I’m not that clever. So I’m just going to tell my story.
A bit of history
I went to a sex party, the kind of which I’d not been to before.
The kind I’ve been to before was a kink and fetish night in a nightclub, with a specific dress code — extravagant and outrageous required. They have a dungeon, multiple dance floors, performances, a couples room and very strict rules on consent.
My first time there I expected to have a lot of feelings; I was confident in my sexual-self, well-versed in the world of alternative sex practices and I have a wonderfully open mind. It actually felt a bit weird how weird it wasn’t to me to be in a place where bodies are on display and people were openly having sex wherever they fancied. I enjoyed the freedom of it. The normality of it. And even though it felt normal, and weird that it wasn’t weird, I still knew it was pushing boundaries which meant that I got a thrill from being a part of it and not freaking out about it.
That first time I didn’t do anything with anyone, it was more of a reconnaissance venture.
Subsequent times I did do stuff with people and I had a wonderful time. I learned how much I enjoy the group nature of things, to be watched and to watch others.
This new place was something different, I sought it out because I’ve held a longing for slower, more sensual, more deliberate connection and intimacy and this seemed to cater to a more spiritual, intentional demographic. My longing is actually to learn about and experience these things in a committed relationship but the fates have made it that so far I am not to meet someone I…
